ruby
My words are flowing again. In an odd, inspirational and seductive way. Driving for hours up mountains, to music that I couldn't distinguish from my heart beat jump started something in me. Creativity was flung at me, and I find myself dancing with my pen in my hand as opposed to writing now.
I've been filling up pages. Stream of consciousness. Word vomit. Whatever.
I'm happy with myself, I feel sure and secure amidst my chaos. Which is what I've been needing to learn for a long while now. It's not something I've been able to perceive and understand quite yet, but I'm getting there. I'm getting there, and I feel settled.
There were moments of unease. There still are. But I move past them, and everything still exists. Including me. I get surprised easily when I become aware of my surroundings. It always shocks me to see that everything still exists, it's all still in place around me.
I saw a tree yesterday. I saw myself in it, a reflective self-portrait of sorts. It was at the top of a mountain, a rock sat near it spray painted with love. An obvious "parking" spot. But this tree was so disconnected from the rest of it all. Half of it was alive, and half of it was dead. Paradox in a tree. I saw myself there, rooted. One foot in life, one foot in death. And it was healing in some way. Because the tree is still there. It's still physically there. Just like I am. I forget that sometimes. Standing beside it made me queasy. I had trouble breathing and focusing n being atop a mountain. The aftermath was more healing than the presence. I don't know why I got so uncomfortable. The important thing is that I kept going through my discomfort. I allowed it to settle. I didn't ignore it, I just continued.
Hmm, my brain is slowly calming down, and I don't have much more to say.
I suppose it's time for some left over chinese food.
I've been filling up pages. Stream of consciousness. Word vomit. Whatever.
I'm happy with myself, I feel sure and secure amidst my chaos. Which is what I've been needing to learn for a long while now. It's not something I've been able to perceive and understand quite yet, but I'm getting there. I'm getting there, and I feel settled.
There were moments of unease. There still are. But I move past them, and everything still exists. Including me. I get surprised easily when I become aware of my surroundings. It always shocks me to see that everything still exists, it's all still in place around me.
I saw a tree yesterday. I saw myself in it, a reflective self-portrait of sorts. It was at the top of a mountain, a rock sat near it spray painted with love. An obvious "parking" spot. But this tree was so disconnected from the rest of it all. Half of it was alive, and half of it was dead. Paradox in a tree. I saw myself there, rooted. One foot in life, one foot in death. And it was healing in some way. Because the tree is still there. It's still physically there. Just like I am. I forget that sometimes. Standing beside it made me queasy. I had trouble breathing and focusing n being atop a mountain. The aftermath was more healing than the presence. I don't know why I got so uncomfortable. The important thing is that I kept going through my discomfort. I allowed it to settle. I didn't ignore it, I just continued.
Hmm, my brain is slowly calming down, and I don't have much more to say.
I suppose it's time for some left over chinese food.
2 comments:
Pink rock, perhaps?!
tweaker!
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