I drained myself of positivity today. Sometimes that happens when I let people get under my skin, and things start going in a direction that makes me feel...useless to myself. Why is it impossible for me to just say what I want to say?
Because I'm afraid of rejection, I'm afraid of being walked away from for the zillionth time.
I know, I know. Death isn't someone walking away from you. But goddamnit am I tired of people dying. Because it makes me cling to the living too hard, which inevitably hurts as well.
I'm afraid I'm not ready for school. I'm really afraid I'll have to leave again.
I don't feel settled in my skin. I walk around comparing my thoughts to other people, and I wonder if I fit in as a fundamental person. How odd is that? I have a never ending feeling of being unsettled.
My eyes are heavy, and this entry will only go downhill from here. Sleep.
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